Funny Quotes From Reddit That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

My doctor told me to stop eating so much pizza. I guess I’ll have to find a new doctor.

I asked my dog if he wants to go for a walk. He looked at his calendar and said he’s fully booked.

I started a band with a bunch of scarecrows. We’re outstanding in our field.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

My friend is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay fit. She replied, ‘That would be a big step forward.’

I wanted to lose weight, but I hate losing, so I just decided to gain weight instead.

I saw an ad for a boat dealership that said, ‘Sail the high seas!’ I thought to myself, ‘Why would I want to sail the low seas?’

I asked the librarian if they have any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

I asked my computer for a date. It said, ‘Sorry, I’m still waiting for my motherboard.’

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I bought some shoes from my drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.

Funny Quotes From Reddit That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud part 2

I told my wife she should try some gardening. She replied, ‘How do I grow drugs in our backyard?’

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.’

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me for an hour.

I invited my computer to a party, but it had no connections.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay fit. She disagreed, saying it would only be a big step forward.

I asked my dog if he wants to go for a walk. He looked at his calendar and said he’s fully booked.

I started a band with a bunch of scarecrows. We’re outstanding in our field.

My doctor told me to stop eating so much pizza. I guess I’ll have to find a new doctor.

I wanted to lose weight, but I hate losing, so I just decided to gain weight instead.

I went to a wedding and they had a donut bar. I think I might have proposed to three different donuts.

I walked into a bar and asked for a glass of water. The bartender said, ‘I’m sorry, we only serve punch.’ So I said, ‘Well, that’s a strange way to start a fight.’

They say ‘drink plenty of water,’ so I started drinking plenty, but now I have to pee all the time. It’s a vicious cycle.

I asked my phone for a pun, but Siriously, it didn’t have any good ones.

I told my wife she should try some gardening. She replied, ‘How do I grow drugs in our backyard?’

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I bought some shoes from my drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.’

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me for an hour.

I invited my computer to a party, but it had no connections.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay fit. She disagreed, saying it would only be a big step forward.

I asked my dog if he wants to go for a walk. He looked at his calendar and said he’s fully booked.

I started a band with a bunch of scarecrows. We’re outstanding in our field.